Forgiveness Isn’t Forgetting — And That’s Okay

We like to think that the chapter is closed once we’ve forgiven someone. But now and then, a thought sneaks in: Did they ever regret what they did to me? After everything — the loyalty, the honesty, the years of showing up — how could they just walk away or betray that?

And suddenly, we’re questioning ourselves: If I still think about it, does that mean I haven’t truly forgiven them?

Not necessarily.

Forgiveness is a decision. It’s choosing to let go of the need for revenge, the weight of anger. But it doesn’t mean the pain disappears. It doesn’t mean the memories stop surfacing or that the questions stop coming. Asking whether someone ever felt remorse isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you cared deeply. It’s the echo of your own integrity bouncing around the silence they left behind.

Regret is a human thing — we all want to believe that when we give our best, it matters. When we lose something or someone because of betrayal or cruelty, the other person feels it too. So when that doubt surfaces — when you wonder if they ever truly understood what they lost — it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re still healing.

Forgiveness is about you, not them. It’s something you do so you can move forward, not so they can feel better. But healing isn’t a straight line. Some days, you’re fine. Other days, the question hits you like a wave: Did it mean nothing to them?

That question doesn’t make you bitter. It makes you human.

The truth is, you might never know if they regret it. And maybe that’s what hurts most — the silence, the lack of acknowledgement. But their regret, or lack of it, doesn’t define your worth. Your loyalty, your honesty — that was real. And nothing they did can take that away from you.

So no, wondering doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven them. It just means you’re still reckoning with the cost. And that’s part of healing, too.

Healing is a journey, not a destination.